Happiness is NOT about being constantly happy!
Some people seem to think happiness is about being constantly smiling and bright-eyed and buoyant. At the risk of being considered a grump, I'd love to wear a t-shirt with the universal no slash across the familiar yellow smiley face. Let me explain.
I don't believe that happiness is about being constantly cheerful. Happiness is about experiencing our humanness as fully as possible. This includes all the stuff we work so hard to avoid: sadness, grief, disappointment, loss...the list goes on.
But none of what we feel is inherently negative. Grief is just grief, sadness just sadness. It's our reaction, our decision about what's happening that determines our experience. I love that the words reaction and creation have the exact same letters- a simple reminder that we create our own reaction. I choose my response and therefore can work towards doing so more consciously.
Life can be painful sometimes but the rewards of being fully alive are many. The most difficult times of my life are, in many ways, the most rewarding. I learn how strong I am, how willing I am to embrace life fully, and to learn about myself. My favourite question now, especially in the difficult moments, is What is the learning here for me? I'm often amazed by the answers.
But most importantly, the question allows me to reframe the difficult times. Instead of feeling burdened and overwhelmed, I'm able to focus on the value of the moment. An observer may see the tears, the need to be alone, the confusion, and decide I'm an unhappy guy. But appearances can be misleading. In consciously choosing the path to a richer life we embody the seeds of happiness.This is what happiness is to me- to feel life deeply while embracing the potential for growth and understanding. I can be in the deepest despair and still be choosing happiness.
The facade of happy-smiley-face-all-the-time does not represent the many opportunities for choosing the path to a richer, happier life. We can choose depth over the superficial, knowing that happiness is available in every moment, not just the "positive" ones.
posted by Ken Walker The Happiness Guy @ 10:41 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I totally agree with what you write. Many people do not (yet?) grasp what happiness is all about and are surprised when you tell them, yes, you are actually happy. It's not "trendy" to say that. If you meet somebody and the usual questions are asked, you're almost expected to complain. Like you say, everybody puts up a smiling face but it's often quite phony for inside they are dissatisfied, unhappy, always looking for something else. I have been like that myself until one day I felt it was such a waste of precious time to wait for the world or my life to change in order for me to become happy. It was just there, the feeling that I had to stop "fighting" for happiness, stop trying to avoid everything that made me suffer and just accept what was there instead, trying to make the best of it. When I tried to see the positive aspects of everything, tried to see beyond the obvious, I suddenly felt so calm inside, overwhelmed by the beauty all around, the wonder of life and existence, of creation. I had this really strong perception of all things being one, everything being connected, interdependent. It's hard to describe, but it made me feel so peaceful, so full of love and kindness towards the world. I am still sad at times, I am still angry or disappointed, sometimes even desperate, but deep inside I have this constant feeling of happiness, of being alive and grateful, like a little spark that warms me from the inside. It's like my whole body, my whole "being" smiles and I don't feel the need for a big grin all over my face anymore. Every now and then I become aware of how many reasons there are to be grateful and I pray to be strong, to be able to hold on to this newly achieved happiness, however my future life will unfold.
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