Choosing Happiness


I spend a lot of my time on auto-pilot. I make choices every day, and so many of them are made on the fly, without a whole lot of thought. Sometimes this means I make decisions based on old or flawed information.

Choices are made based on conclusions I've come to in my life, some formed may years ago. And way too many were formed from the advice or prejudices of those around me at the time. But I'm older now. I have more experience on which to base my responses. Unfortunately, auto-pilot doesn't allow for fine tuning and so my choices are often not the best they can be.

The challenge is to be conscious in the moment of choice. Then I can make decisions with the intention of creating the most positive results.

Curt Rosen of Passion Catalyst International writes about this in regard to career change but it applies equally well to choosing happiness. He suggests asking the question If I stay on the path I'm on now, am I likely to be happy (and I would add 'or happier') in five years? and using the answer to help shape choices in terms of how they may affect me in the future.

Practice is helping me choose the more-likely-to-be-happier path but I still review my choices. This allows me perspective to ponder other alternatives I could have considered, to evaluate whether the outcome was a good one, and to remind myself to be more present each time I make a choice. Sounds easy, but challenging patterns can be tough. Thankfully the benefits are real and life-enhancing.

In the same vein, check out some words of wisdom from Gary Mosher about how to be happier.

Imperfect World

I read an article recently about how we can get in our own way with unrealistic expectations about the world.

My favourite unrealistic expectation is that everyone should see things the way I do. It's quite simple really. If everyone would just realize that I've given it (whatever 'it' is in the particular circumstance) some thought and therefore have come to the one and only correct conclusion, the world would be much better place. I can't help wondering how much of this attitude comes from the privilege I've learned to take for granted simply for being born male.

Wherever it comes from, this attitude, this approach, creates competitive struggle rather than collaborative effort. It feels so much better when a question or issue is resolved cooperatively. I know, I know: that's so messy, and difficult, and time-consuming. But it's also messy, difficult, and time-consuming to deal with the aftermath of people not heard, of ideas not considered, of outcomes lessened by a dearth of options.

And yet, my default behaviour is about attempting to convince others of the rightness of my process. The certainty that I have the best (or only) answer.

Again, confirmation that the learning never stops. What a blessing!