Happiness is NOT about being constantly happy!


Some people seem to think happiness is about being constantly smiling and bright-eyed and buoyant. At the risk of being considered a grump, I'd love to wear a t-shirt with the universal no slash across the familiar yellow smiley face. Let me explain.

I don't believe that happiness is about being constantly cheerful. Happiness is about experiencing our humanness as fully as possible. This includes all the stuff we work so hard to avoid: sadness, grief, disappointment, loss...the list goes on.

But none of what we feel is inherently negative. Grief is just grief, sadness just sadness. It's our reaction, our decision about what's happening that determines our experience. I love that the words reaction and creation have the exact same letters- a simple reminder that we create our own reaction. I choose my response and therefore can work towards doing so more consciously.

Life can be painful sometimes but the rewards of being fully alive are many. The most difficult times of my life are, in many ways, the most rewarding. I learn how strong I am, how willing I am to embrace life fully, and to learn about myself. My favourite question now, especially in the difficult moments, is What is the learning here for me? I'm often amazed by the answers.

But most importantly, the question allows me to reframe the difficult times. Instead of feeling burdened and overwhelmed, I'm able to focus on the value of the moment. An observer may see the tears, the need to be alone, the confusion, and decide I'm an unhappy guy. But appearances can be misleading. In consciously choosing the path to a richer life we embody the seeds of happiness.This is what happiness is to me- to feel life deeply while embracing the potential for growth and understanding. I can be in the deepest despair and still be choosing happiness.

The facade of happy-smiley-face-all-the-time does not represent the many opportunities for choosing the path to a richer, happier life. We can choose depth over the superficial, knowing that happiness is available in every moment, not just the "positive" ones.

Any Age But This One?

Occasionally people say how great it would be to be a different age and I've never really understood the attraction.

Has anyone ever said to you, "Wouldn't it be great to be 18 again (or 30 or 50)? Whenever I've heard this question my gut response has been absolutely no way! Sometimes the questioner adds "if you could go back knowing what you know now," and even that doesn't change my mind.

I can't imagine going back to an earlier part of my life. Why would I do that? The challenges I experience now are as important and relevant as the earlier events in my life. It would be like going on a trip and deciding to backtrack because the memory of a place visited earlier seems better than what I'm visiting now. It seems like hopeless romanticism to long for something past while the present is here right now.

I enjoy remembering the past, especially from the perspective of an older (and hopefully wiser!) vantage point. I appreciate the learning I can mine from my past, but I have no desire to actually live it again.

Now, that's not to say that I live perfectly in the present. I experience regrets about the past and sometimes worry about, or try to plan, the future. Even still, I know that life happens now, right this moment. To be anywhere else is to choose to be less than fully alive.